


Toot-Toot Lizard Warrior

by wordbending



Series: Alphys Appreciation Week [3]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alphys-Centric, Alternate Universe - Role Reversal, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2020-01-04 13:01:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18344207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordbending/pseuds/wordbending
Summary: Your name is Alphys, and you have the most boring job in the world: patrolling Waterfall, looking for any humans that pass by. Even your lazy sentry Sans doesn't keep her entertained.But, when a human does finally appear, a strange human with rosy cheeks and a big smile, how are you supposed to capture them... when all you want to do is be friends and watch anime with them???





	Toot-Toot Lizard Warrior

Another day, another patrol in Waterfall. You hate Waterfall. It’s... wet. And grimy. “Rain” drips onto your armor, making it rust. You sink into puddles of mud and have to drag yourself out. You have to be careful not to fall into the many, many neon-blue rivers, or you’ll most likely not be able to pull yourself free. You’ll just drown.

In fact, you know that’s possible, because according to legend, that’s what happened to the first fallen child. They fell into the river and drowned. It sounds like a horrible way to die, and you definitely don’t want it to happen to you. It makes you shiver.

But, more than the mud and the rust and the drowning, it’s _boring._ Nobody ever comes through here. It’s been a century since anyone has seen a human and you doubt that anything’s ever going to change in this boring, boring place and _why did you become Captain of the Royal Guard_ if you didn’t like _patrolling,_ you _complete idiot..._

You decide to text your frustrations. You take out your cellphone, helpfully upgraded with rudimentary text capabilities by the hard-working Dr. Undyne, and open up Undernet.

* ugh patrolling in waterfall again >.<

* this isn’t like any of my favorite anime - i mean, history human documentaries - said it would be

* i wanted to fight with giant robots...

* but giant robots wouldn’t even fit down here!!!

* it’s soooo bori

You look up from your texting to see Sans walking towards you, in his ill-fitting “battle armor” that he insists on wearing. He says if he’s going to be a Royal Guard, he might as well “dress the part,” which makes no sense to you because that _travesty_ is _not_ what the Royal Guard uniform is. Sans is so weird. His odd behavior always cheers you up though, even if you wouldn’t call yourself exactly “friends.”

Nonetheless, you text:

* oh sans is here

You wave excitably at him. “Sans!” Then you calm down, trying to stay professional. “What’s your, um, your... your d-daily report?”

You have a feeling that, instead of reporting anything useful, he’s going to regale you with all the latest gossip from Snowdin. That’s usually what his “reports” consist of. But you don’t really mind it - he has a way of making his stories about Snowdin entertaining, and it gives you something to do.

“my report? not a thing,” he says. You’re immediately on guard - he’s never said that he has nothing to report at all before.

“Nothing?” you repeat.

“nope. no strange humans running around. i can promise: i absolutely didn’t battle a single one.”

And he winks.

You can’t help but laugh. “You... you realize that’s even _more_ suspicious?”

Sans looks away, although he continues to smile his usual smile. “is it?”

“Yes.”

Sans shrugs. “alright, boss. you caught me. i’ll tell you everything i know.”

You wait for him to continue. He doesn’t.

“Let me guess: that’s the whole list?”

“it’s annotated.”

You sigh, amused in spite of yourself. “Alright, you’re, um, dismissed. But... but if you d-do happen to see a h-human, you’ll call me, right?”

“cross my heart,” he says, miming a cross over his chest. He says that a lot, because it entertains him that he doesn’t have a heart to cross.

Looking as amused with himself as ever, Sans leaves. You sigh, looking out over the narrow passageway leading further into Waterfall.

And the seagrass shifts.

You immediately summon your weapon, a giant lightning-yellow drill made of electricity, attached to a gauntlet. You look out over the seagrass, which has stopped moving.

“Who’s there?” you say, with as much confidence as you can muster. “If you’re a human... just come out. I won’t hurt you.”

The seagrass still doesn’t move. You wait there, your soul pounding in your ears, ready to attack. Because, of course, this is what being Captain of the Royal Guard is about, isn’t it? Hunting humans. Collecting the last soul needed to break the barrier. You’ve been training for this day for a long time - you’re not going to chicken out now.

The grass shifts again... and what emerges from it is a child, a human child. In a green and yellow striped sweater, with pale skin, rosy cheeks, and a huge smile that reminds you a little of Sans. They’re also wearing a red ribbon in their hair.

“Somehow, I doubt that,” they say, looking straight at you. And, instantly, you’re struck by how... _small_ they are. They’re just a little kid. You know already that you can’t capture them. You don’t know what Toriel actually _does_ with these children, but you don’t want to find out.

And then _another_ child, in a yellow and brown striped sweater, emerges from the seagrass. It’s... a boss monster, like Queen Toriel? At least, you think it’s a boss monster. It has the same fluffy white appearance, like what humans call a “goat.” The boss monster is grinning at you.

“Oh my gosh! Captain Alphys!” they say. “I’m a big fan! Will you sign my yearbook?!”

The human child turns to them. “Who the hell are...?”

“You know who Captain Alphys is, right?!” says the boss monster, balling their paws into fists and raising them to their chest. “They’re only the coolest person ever! They’re so powerful and mysterious... and their drill can piece the heavens!”

“I don’t care,” says the human child, crossing their arms. “It’s going to pierce _me_ first. So here’s my opinion: fuck this.”

And the human child starts running, the boss monster looking back and forth between you and them for a second before running after them, yelling “W-wait! Wait for me!”

You, of course, give chase, dissipating your drill and running as fast as your short legs can carry you into the next area. But, by the time you’ve reached it, both them and the boss monster have already disappeared.

You sigh.

* * *

You’re about to give up any hope of finding this human. You just want to apologize to them for scaring them. Tell them you’re _really_ not going to hurt them. Maybe ask if they want to watch anime sometime. Yeah. That sounds nice.

But... there’s no sign of them. All around you are the maze of wooden bridges leading further into Waterfall, a series of heavy stone columns between you and them. If the human had passed through here, you would have seen them. Maybe they’ve passed through here already?

You get a series of texts from Sans. They say:

* just fyi if there was a human

* which i’m not saying there is

* they’re definitely not wearing a RED ribbon

* maybe a BLUE ribbon

* maybe an INVISIBLE ribbon

* but if you see any humans wearing RED ribbons... you can ignore them

You text back:

* i already saw them sans >_>

Sans texts:

* i’m telling ya

* if they were wearing a red ribbon

* that was the wrong human

* capiche?

You turn off the screen of your cellphone. You don’t know why Sans is bothering. Maybe they’ve developed the same weird fondness for this human that you have, even though you barely know them.

Maybe you _should_ give this up. But... you’re actually worried for the human’s safety. If the human runs into a... less friendly monster, they might not be able to survive. You need to keep them safe.

Yeah. Safe. That’s what you can use all your royal guard training for. Protecting them.

So you can watch anime together later, you think, excited at the very thought.

You just have to get them to trust you first. To be friends with you first.

Just as you’re thinking that, you see movement out of the corner of your eye, and hear the sound of something running along wooden planks.

You turn and look. Right in front of you, on the maze of wooden bridges leading deeper into Waterfall’s caverns, is the human child, running as fast as their legs can carry them. Their brow is covered with sweat.

“Stop running!” you yell, giving chase, but the human just picks up speed. They’re so _fast._ Are humans _allowed_ to move this fast? “I’m not going to kill you! I promise!”

They keep running. You keep chasing. Running in this armor is hard - how is anyone supposed to do it?!

“I promise, it’ll only take a moment!” you yell, before realizing that sounds vaguely threatening. “I mean that, um, in a not-killing-you way! If you just stop... stop running, you’ll see!”

But they’ve already disappeared into the dark, tall seagrass. They’re impossible to trace like this, so you have no choice... you follow them into it, the seagrass shifting with your every step. You know you’re stomping it underfoot in your bulky black armor, and you promise yourself that you’ll replace it with new seeds later. That seagrass is rare!

But, no matter how hard you squint, you can’t see them in it. You can’t see anything in it. You keep walking forward, pushing the seagrass aside with your hands, and...

“Ow.”

Jackpot, you think. There’s something small right in front of you - even if it hadn’t spoken, you just hit it with your knee.

“Gotcha!” you shout, reaching out and grabbing it by the waist. You lift it up and see, squirming in your grip... the boss monster from earlier.

They look at you with stars in their eyes for just a second.

But, just as you’re about to say something, they squirm out of your grip and start running through the seagrass. You start running as fast as you can after them, even though they’re not your real target, but they move through the tall seagrass so much faster than you do.

Damn it, you think, when the seagrass stops shifting and there’s no sign of either the human or the boss monster. If you’ve lost one of them, you’ve definitely lost both of them.

Ugh. Why does this have to be so difficult?

* * *

You decide to take a shortcut and get ahead of the human. You know the perfect place to go - there’s a passageway they have to cross through to get out of Waterfall, past the garbage dump and Doggo’s shop. You can set a “trap” for them there - tell an Echo Flower everything you’re feeling, so they listen to the Echo Flower and know you’re not there to harm them.

It’s the perfect plan, you think, crouching down in front of the Echo Flower and saying:

“H-hey there. I’m... I’m not sure how to say this, but... I’m really not that scary. If you’d please just... stop running away from me, I could show you. I don’t want to kill you, I just want... to watch anime and stuff. To be friends. Is that... does that make sense? I’m... really lonely. I mean, you can probably tell, but... it’s... it’s true. I want to be someone who does the right thing, who you can get behind, someone you can trust. Can you please trust me?”

Satisfied, you hide at the entranceway to the tunnel, waiting for them to arrive.

They arrive not too long afterwards. They look stressed out, based on their dilated pupils and slow, careful steps. An echo flower whispers something from far away and they nearly jump out of their skin, their hands shaking as they point their knife at shadows. They wave it around, even though it’s clearly a toy knife, as if to ward off anyone that might try to hurt them.

It’s kind of sad, actually. You wonder why they’re so on-edge. Did someone hurt them already...?

They go up to the echo flower, approaching it just as carefully. As soon as they’re close enough, it starts repeating what you said:

“Hey there. I’m really scary. Stop running away. I could kill you. I’m right behind you.”

You slap your palm over your helmet. This is _not_ how this was supposed to go.

You go into the tunnel, ready to try to make amends and explain yourself, but the child is already on guard. They’re holding their knife in front of themself, smiling a smile that’s so strange it makes you gulp. They’re ready to fight, you realize, so you lift your hands as you slowly, carefully walk closer to them.

“Don’t take another step,” they say. They look ready to pounce. They look like they’re going to stab you before you can say a word. You step forward, but cautiously, carefully.

They step forward too, as if reading your thoughts, and...

The boss monster emerges from a small cave nearby and runs in front of you both, holding their arms protectively in front of the human.

“Captain Alphys! You’re going to _kill_ them?”

“N-no!” you say immediately.

But the boss monster shakes their head. “I’m not going to let you! I won’t fall for your tricks, Captain Alphys! I... I really believed in you! I thought you were so cool, but... this human, _they’re_ the cool one!”

“Uh,” says the human. “Thanks, I guess?”

You decide to take another step forward, and then another, and then another. In a few moments, you’ve crossed to the boss monster, who stands between you and the human valiantly, even as their whole body shakes like a leaf.

“Um,” you say. “I just need to talk.”

“Yeah, right!” says the boss monster. “They’re my friend! I’m not going to let you hurt them.”

You sigh, pick up the boss monster, and set them aside.

It’s only then that you realize that the human’s gone. Again.

This is never going to end, you think miserably.

* * *

The next time you see the human, it’s on the bridge leading to the exit from Waterfall. The boss monster is there too - the two of them are talking about something. Well, the boss monster is. They’re chatting up a storm, running excitedly around the human, who appears to barely be listening.

You walk onto the bridge, prepared to tell them everything in-person this time. The boss monster’s eyes widen and they clench their paws into fists.

“Don’t worry! I’ll save you!” they shout, and they start running towards you, eyes shut tight, screaming at the top of their lungs.

“AHHHHHHHH-”

You have no idea how to react to them running at you. But gravity reacts first as they careen off-course and tumble over the side of the bridge, barely holding on with their paws.

“AHHHHH!” they shout. “Help!”

The human takes one look at you and one look at the boss monster... and they run forward, bending down and trying to lift up the boss monster by themselves.

You run forward too, without hesitation, throwing off your helmet and pulling off your glove. You bend down, offering your hand to them, offering your help.

The human glares at you, but the boss monster grabs your hand. Together, you and the human pull them back onto the bridge, and they sit there for a moment, panting from exhaustion.

The human, though, looks confused. They frown at you.

“Why did you save him? You could have killed me first. That’s what you want, isn’t it?”

You shake your head rapidly. “No, no, of... of course not! That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you! I just want to be friends! I just want someone I can watch anime with. That’s all. I don’t want to hurt you.”

The human snorts. “You want an... anime buddy?”

“Y-yeah! I really love Mew Mew Kissy Cutie... I post about it on Undernet all... all the time! But Sans doesn’t really like anime, and Dr, um, Undyne’s too b-busy with her lab work to watch anime with me, so... I... I don’t have anybody to watch it with.”

“Sure. Fine,” says the human, shrugging. “I’ll watch anime with you.”

You smile. “R-really?”

The boss monster coughs. And then, abruptly, before you can respond to the human, the boss monster jumps to his feet and pulls them into a tight, tight hug. You see tears in his eyes and his tail wagging.

“You saved me! I knew it! I knew you were my friend!”

“S... ure?” says the human. “If you say so.”

“What’s your name? Mine’s Asriel!”

The human looks at you, then at Asriel. Softly, they say, “It’s Chara.”

* * *

You end up hugging Chara before they leave. You can’t help it - it might be the last time you ever see them, after all. But they want to get home. They’ve told you as much. You can’t keep them there and watch anime with them for the rest of your lives.

“Promise me you’ll be s-safe, OK? Promise me you won’t k-kill anyone... and that you won’t get... get hurt either.”

Chara smiles softly at you. “I’ll do my best.”

And, with a wave, you see them off.

You call Dr. Undyne as soon as they disappear into the cave.

“Y-you’ll keep them safe, right?” you say to her. “Through Hotland? Please... promise me they won’t get hurt.”

“I mean, uh, sure. You know I’d do anything for you! But you know it’s our job to capture them, right? It’s what the Queen wants...”

“They’re a g-good person. Just... just trust me.”

“Alright. You got it, Captain Alphys. They’ll be as safe as a bank vault with me around!”

You smile at the phone, relieved.

“Thank you.”


End file.
